I must admit, I'm a little disappointed. Religion has gotten a little lackluster in the entertainment department lately. Sure, we've had a couple of crazies go off the wall in the last few years, but nothin' real good, you know? Here's my proposal: A few of us approach MTV with the pitch of a new TV show (a reality show, offensively disguised as a 'documentary'), in which we combine two of the most certifiably insane beliefs - we call it: "Mormontology". Has a good ring to it, huh? We, months beforehand, establish a Church and indoctrinate those willing. A show in which we get entertainment from the exploitation of those a little 'soft in the noggin' (to keep fit with the network's ethos, of course). Seriously, we can have 'in-your-face' bold graphics and dizzy-fast camera cuts and manipulative editing and everything! We give our group of carefully selected individuals their own island (in your face Big Brother, we're going all out). We camera the place up the wazoo and film their every move (of course, we need material to splice together to actually make it seem like there's a fluent storyline here), and we pick eight to ten people that generally represent a broad demographic of the population from our group (stereotyping, but, you know, so 'everyone' can watch!) We'll have the nerd guy, the nerd girl (can't be sexiest!), the jock, the 'dumb-blonde', the token black guy (although we'll scrap the whole "Black people bear the curse of Cain" part of Mormonism in our Mormontology), an Asian, a fat girl and all! For the religion, this is where it gets good, we keep the Scientology part about Xenu (I mean come on, an alien deity? We can have a guy in a rubber suit for the season finale), the Mormon's magic underwear (oh, sorry, 'Temple Garment', we must be P.C, it is public television after all), we'll film it near Missouri, you know, the garden of Eden to appeal to the Mormon-part of our ideology, and we'll even do special effects (supported by a whacky soundboard!) to show the body Thetans! Who's in?
Sundance Crow is the personal website of author and musician Matt Hayward
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Lace Weeper - Hard Sell (Music Video)
Malfunkshun (feat. Matt Hayward - Stardog Champion (Live in Tacoma at the Mike Starr of Alice In Chains Memorial Show)